Coldplay’s latest album, aptly (see: annoyingly) titled Mylo Xyloto, leaked online a day or two ago. I’m going to bravely open with this intro:
I like Coldplay. Wait, keep reading. I bought a CD of Parachutes when it came out, and A Rush of Blood to the Head is one of my favorite albums. “Amsterdam” is a fantastic song. To me, Coldplay can’t be disowned completely simply because they made that album.
With that said, Mylo Xyloto sucks.
It’s another notch on the disappointment train, to use a mixed-up analogy. They’ve embraced pop, big venues, big bass beats and Billboard charts. I wouldn’t be surprised if Martin bought Bono sunglasses next. There are a few songs that I like, such as “Charlie Brown” or “Don’t Let It Break Your Heart,” but most of it…highlighted on the track Rihanna guests on, makes me want to barf all over Chris Martin’s synths so he’s forced to only use an acoustic guitar or a piano like they used to. Here’s how I rank Coldplay’s albums:
1. A Rush of Blood to the Head
2. Parachutes
3. The side project band Will breaks off to make some day
4. Viva la Visa*
5. X & Y
6. A pile of old, dirty socks
7. Mylo Xyloto
*My phone auto-corrected to Visa last night when I was talking about this, and I think it’s actually more fitting than Vida.
5 Word Review for Coldplay’s Mylo Xyloto:
STOP TRYING TO BE U2.
Instead of posting a song from this album, I’m gonna post “Amsterdam.” Here you go:
THE SWILL MERCHANTS 
I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU-I’m pretty sure that in princess of china, will champion isn’t doing a damn thing because of the electronic drums. Rihanna sounds terrible, too. I miss the old coldplay, ROBTTH was an amazing album. I really hope their next album isn’t this bad.
Fully agree. And for me even DLIBYH and CB are soulless arrangements.